Thursday, May 24, 2012

Monster A Go Go

I hate this movie! I hate this movie! I hate this movie! I hate this movie! I hate this movie! Holy balls what an experience this was and when I say experience I mean a 70 minute long torture session. This ladies and gentlemen is gonna be a tough one. Of all the movie I've seen in the entirety of my life this one was the most painful to sit through from start to finish. Today we're going to take a look at 1965's Monster A-GO-GO.
Now before we dive into this maggot infested pool of utter shit we'll need to quickly cover the movie's ugly history.
From what I could gather this movie was the scrapped remnants of a unfinished film that Herschell Gordon Lewis bought and then added some footage and walla we have this complete mess. That's really it honestly just a nasty blend of stock footage mixed in with some half baked effort to turn it into a complete movie.
    The plot is completely all over the place it starts off with some space capsule crashing to Earth with a astronaut name Frank Douglas inside. When the police go to investigate one of them is killed by an unseen attacker. Apparently as the "characters" soon discover that the weirdo going around murdering people at random is the astronaut who has now turned into a huge radioactive monster with a serious case of dry skin.  From here on you would expect this to be your standard cheesy horror movie however...
     Instead of having any sort of flow or sense of direction the movie subjects the audience to dozens of confusing and dull scenes that really don't go anywhere. After each scene I felt myself getting dumber and dumber slowly feeling the life being sucked from my veins until by the end of the film I looked a little like this.


The acting is poor. None of the people on set can emote or bring even a sense of life to the cardboard characters they were playing. They couldn't even pull off a decent performance even if their character dies either. 

Thats the face of a man who had just discovered Rule 34

 I saw this movie for the first time on a Mystery Science Theater episode and I could tell right away that the crew was doing their best to make this funny but honestly how could they or anyone else for that matter? The team declared this to be the worst movie they had ever seen.

The biggest offense of this abomination was it's complete shit ending. I was left absolutely speechless along with just about every other poor bastard that ended up wasting their time watching this. Here is an exact quote here-
As if a switch had been turned, as if an eye had been blinked, as if some phantom force in the universe had made a move eons beyond our comprehension, suddenly, there was no trail! There was no giant, no monster, no thing called "Douglas" to be followed. There was nothing in the tunnel but the puzzled men of courage, who suddenly found themselves alone with shadows and darkness! With the telegram, one cloud lifts, and another descends. Astronaut Frank Douglas, rescued, alive, well, and of normal size, some eight thousand miles away in a lifeboat, with no memory of where he has been, or how he was separated from his capsule! Then who, or what, has landed here? Is it here yet? Or has the cosmic switch been pulled? Case in point: The line between science fiction and science fact is microscopically thin! You have witnessed the line being shaved even thinner! But is the menace with us? Or is the monster gone?

That's all they leave us with; a complete deus ex machina! I don't care though because after today of sealing the memory of this flick in the darkest corners of my mind forever! I'm Reeler shredding crap films every day I will be seeing you folks later!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Recent News and Updates

While I've been writing my latest review I have been preparing of finals week and I have just recently started helping out as a volunteer at an animal shelter for the summer so I've been a bit busy so I apologize that its taking a bit to pump out articles but please bear with me folks! :)