Friday, December 28, 2012

The High Fructose Adventures Of The Annoying Orange

Note: I do not own The Annoying Orange or any of the images and videos you see here I do however own this review.


This should pretty much sum up how eager I am to review this which is why this is going to be quick. What has happened to entertainment today? Is this what television has become? Have people become so uncreative that they are willing to turn obnoxious web series into shows to be aired to the public?

For those who were lucky enough not to run into this abomination on Youtube or anywhere on the Internet this is The Annoying Orange a web series that first began on 2009 and has been ongoing since. Then some wise guy thought this would be a great idea for a kids show and on June 11th of last year this fucking show aired.

Here is one episode of the web series so you get a nice example of what the show offers for "comedy". Also keep in mind that this what happens during every single episode of the original show. Oh yes this wont get repetitive in the slightest!!!

Yeah now imagine that turned into a TV series an-wait....

The show is just a merciless onslaught of puns and fruit get sliced and diced. I swear if I meet the guy who green lighted this I'm going to break his face.

Speaking of faces just look the that expression on the orange there. Its like that of mass murderer. And the laugh that fucking laugh. I'm going to be hearing that in my nightmares for days to come!

I'm gonna juice this little fucker!

I don't care if its for kids! That's not an excuse! Is this honestly the best that they could come up with for a children's show? Really?  Talking fruit?  Oh yeah that original never say any show with talking fruit before my mind is utterly blown *Sarcasm*.

Thankfully I'm not alone in this as the show and the web series were both panned by a number of people. Ned Hepburn from "Pass The Mustard" called the series "Pure, pure unfunny high concentrated in droplet form....". dubbed it "idiotic" and "creepy" one person saying  "I lasted only 15 seconds".  The High Fructose Adventures has taken a nice beating from viewers now currently with a score of  3.1 on IMDb. Oddly enough the show was been nominated for a 2012 Creative Arts Emmy Award. If you are wondering how I feel about that please refer back to the previous paragraph above.

I can't take anymore of this so I'm going to wrap it up quickly here before I stab myself in the heart with a pencil. The High Fructose Adventures Of The Annoying Orange is awful. Its not clever or creative. Its creepy, its characters are obnoxious as hell, and worst of all its not funny!

Until next time my dear audience. Take care and I will see you next time on the next review here on A Reeler Movie Reviewer!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Flash Game Madness: Guild Dungeons

I love games regardless of what type they are. Card games, tabletop games, video games, and even flash games like the topic of today's article: Guild Dungeons. When I saw this game on New Grounds it quickly caught my interest. Build your own city and training a guild of adventurers to conquer deadly dungeons that sounds awesome right? Well the idea does what we got here is honestly a mixed bag.
When you start the game the first thing you see is an empty landscape at the top of the screen and on the bottom a list of the following options.
Buildings: Constructing buildings to expand your economy and fighting force.
Leaders: These are the guys who will lead you adventurers to their certain doom.
Troops: Your selection of Red Shirts
Research: Here you can create tools and items to help your soldiers with their quests.
Crafting: Make Weapons and armor.
Trade: Oh we'll get to this soon.
Magic: Mix different elements to create spells.
Map: This is where you select missions.
Statistics: Pretty much reminds you how many times you've failed.
All this here is what you work with throughout the game. You build, gather resources, create units, send units out to die god awful deaths, get loot, and then rinse and repeat.

Straight foreward but what could have been a fun simple game of strategy and dungeon crawling is nothing more than a time consuming clicking fest. To be fair though it was the creators first attempt but even then the product that we got is at best average and at worst mediocre.

The first problem a player will run into while playing Guild Dungeons is the lack of any sort of save feature. The creator stated that he/she did not know how to handle a save file for the game due to its size however you receive gold, silver, stone, and wood equal to the amount of exp that you had earned last session the downside to this is that you have to build your city from scratch which is a bloody pain in the ass.

When you get started you'll have to start increasing your cities population and get some industry going. It takes awhile for things to pick up so you will find yourself waiting alot before you can afford to buy a certain building or unit. However once you get rolling you'll be pumping out armies before you know it.

When it comes to what soldiers are best suited for what quest? Who is the best leader? What weapons and equipment will keep your troops alive? Its never really made clear. Certain quest will give you a summary of the location on the map, a difficulty, and even allows you to send a scout to give you hints as to how you should deal with a certain dungeon. Unfortunately they often leave out certain details. One time I decided to take on the the lair of a black dragon so I sent a scout out and what I got was that the place would involve alot of climbing, tight spaces, no food or water, evil lizards servants, and a butt load of pain. So I gave my men rations and water skins to combat hunger and dehydration. Rope for climbing plus I equipped the leader with a special type of armor design for dealing with caves and caverns. I gave them potions and medicine kits and lanterns as well. Then I bought alot of soldiers and I mean alot.

Once I felt satisfied with what I put together I sent my army out on its heroic quest and...I got my ass handed to me. Apparently I didn't send enough ranged units so my army got roasted by small flying drakes that my so called scout failed to fucking mention. So I tried again with twice as troops as I had sent out before and equipped the leader with a special throwing ax that does extra damage to drakes and fire proof armor specially designed to deal with drakes. So I tried again and like last time the same bloody results. That's another problem with this game its never really clear on what you need to do or your chances of succeeding. So it pretty much turns into a time consuming game of trial and error.

Gathering resources is not really all that difficult you just need a high population, lots of lumber mills, and a bunch of pig farms. Gold and silver is easily acquired through taxes the more people that live in your city the more gold you will get. The only three resources that are annoying to get are the mushrooms, gems, and stone. You can get stone by building a mine but unlike the lumber mills and the pig farms you can only build ONE mine which only produces 2 pieces of stone every few seconds. This wouldn't be so bad if the Keep a building which allows to create the strongest units in the game didn't cost 5000 pieces of stone to make!

The gems and the mushrooms are whole nother ball game. You need mushrooms to build spellcasters and gems to build powerful weapons and armor in addition to creating Sun Clerics units that can both fight and heal your other units. You cant generate them through any sort of industry so you usually need to send out parties to dungeons to find these and most of the time you don't hell your lucky if you find one shroom at all. This brings us to the next part of this review: The Dungeons the main focus of the game.

There are a total of 20 dungeons each more difficult than the last. They don't need to be done in any order hell they don't need to completed at all save for the last one that you need to do to win the game and honestly why would you? The rewards you earn for beating a dungeon are complete garbage they are not worth the resources or troops its practically insulting to the players. For example imagine you are playing a session of D&D(Dungeons & Dragons) and you and buddies are getting ready to tackle the lair of a terrible villain. You have an inventory of kickass weapons, magics items, tons of potions, and you lucky D8. After a grueling three hours you make it to the treasure trove. You have lost several of your party members got butchered and the remaining ones are on your last legs. You finally open the chest only to finds a piece of moldy cheese and three gold coins...That s how this game rewards you for your efforts.

Like games such as Civilization once in awhile a event will occur. They can be both beneficial or could curt your city. The problem is neither of these has any big impact.Got zombies eating your townsfolk? Bam build a graveyard problem solved! Got a rat problem? Ha just build a falcon's nest and a piper's place. Once you build the right building to counteract the problems plaguing your town they will never happen again. The most deadly thing is not any sort of monster or enemy army but blood ticks which always seem to have a habit of killing 5 of my townsfolk.

Out of all the games I have played this has got to be the most quite. There is no music or sound for the most part although every once in awhile you'll hear a ching-ching sound every time your town pays taxes(How thrilling). Aside from that its dead silent with the only sound of you mouse constantly clicking only to get blasted out of your seat by a booing or cheering sound whenever some little event happens.

Overall the game is not bad there is potential in this game but its up to its creator to see those possibilities become a reality. However there has not been an update since last year and I have not heard anything that wold suggest that a reboot or sequel will ever happen. Oh well only time will tell I guess. Until next time ladies and gentlemen!