Thursday, December 19, 2013

Christmas Songs


    Happy Holidays everyone and welcome back to a Reeler Movie Reviewer. So with the festivities on their way I decided to do a little something and deviate from my usual reviews and articles to talk about something  that has been plaguing my mind for years...Christmas music. Before you start calling me Mr. Scrooge let me explain. Each year before the next and each year before the last on every fucking month of December radio stations have been playing the same God damn songs over and over again slowly draining the sanity out of every poor bastard that is forced to listen to them(including me). So I decided that it was time to finally get it off my chest. In this article I will be talking about the most overplayed and worst Christmas to ever to be written and performed.

Sonic Youth - Santa Doesn't Cop Out On Dope
Link to song here:

My God is this annoying. I only had to listen to this once and I knew I had to put this abomination here. Grating vocals and shitty instrumentals assaulting my ears drums and sucking the joy from my soul this is a song that anyone in their right mind should avoid at all costs.

Brenda Lee - Rocking Around The Christmas Tree

If you have ever went to a Christmas Party or been driving around one snowy day then chances are you heard this song maybe one, two, or a hundred times. It maybe a classic but its a songs that quickly over stays it welcome.

Justin Bieber and Busta Rhythms - Little Drummer Boy

This song isn't on here because I hate Justin Bieber(although it doesn't help any) but because it takes an unadaptable song and turns it into(I kid you not) into a fucking rap...Why?!?! >:(

Wham! - Last Christmas

This one made it on here for being so damn whiney. Because when I think of Christmas songs I think of some obsessed asshole moping about some girl who dumped him. I wouldn't blame any woman who was trying to escape some clingy crybaby who is most likely peeking through their windows at night to watch them sleep.

Bobby Helms - Jingle Bell Rock

This is a song that no matter how many times I hear this song its one that will always make cringe and dive for the radio to change the channel. You will hear this song at Christmas parties, and almost any store you visit there is practically no escaping it. Those repetitive lyrics and Bobby's girly ass voice are manifestations of pure annoyance.

Duck Dynasty - Deck The Halls Parody

Kill me...kill me now and bury me deep in the earth in a sound proof box...

Paul McCartthy(anyone one else who covers this fucking song) - Wonderful Christmas Time

Its the same words repeated over and over and over and over again along with those obnoxious ding dongs popping up throughout. Sweet buttery Jesus this songs sucks the big one.

Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You

A rather sweet and catchy song that is unfortunately suffering from the same fate that befell both "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Rocking Around The Christmas Tree" it gets played way too often on radio stations and it needs to stop like seriously right now just stop...

Carrie Fisher - Life Day Song(The Star Wars Holiday Special)

This song will always serve as a grim reminder of the worst moment in Star Wars history. Often considered to be the worst Christmas special ever aired its a memory for many(especially if your Lucas) that will always stain the corners of our mind.

Note the almost embarrassed expressions on some of the actor's face.

And so ends another article I want to thank you for reading and paying a visit to my blog. If you have any comments or want to share your most hated holiday songs then please leave them in the comments section below this article. I would love to hear from you! Have a Happy Holidays and I will see you all next time here on A Reeler Movie Reviewer!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Armageddon 1998

      Hello folks its Reeler here how's it going!? Lets talk about Michael Bay shall we? Just mentioning this guy's name anywhere is certainly going to start either one long conversation or a fiery debate. On one side people see him as a man who knows how to make a damn good turn your brain off film with all the action, fanservice, and explosions(especially explosions) one could want that is certain to rake in some green. On the other side though he is a hack who churns out high budget crap while gobbing down America's fat ego and leaving audience screaming with rage.
    So when it came down to choosing one of his films to review I wanted to go a different route. Instead of tackling the Transformer films like so many others I decided to look at one of his earlier films that one being 'Armageddon'. This is a silly film that has all the classic cliches that one would expect to see in an action film along with the bullshit story and awful acting and we are going to tackle this Texas sized mess. Lets get started!
     The film begins with a open narration explain how an asteroid wiped out the dinosaurs millions of years ago and that the same thing could happen again before giving us the main titles. After that we watch as some astronauts working on the Space Shuttle Atlantis with everything seeming fine and dandy. However things turn to shit when the station is ripped apart by an meteor shower giving us one of the many Michael Bay explosions in this movie.
      We then see some dude on a bike with his dog as tour the Big Apple which seems to be filled with insulting stereotypes. The dog starts chewing on some fat dude's Godzilla figures no doubt a pot shot at Emmerich's film that came out the same year which is emphasized when a meteor lands on the poor bastard killing him yet somehow the other guy and his dog survive. Soon New York is bombarded by meteors killing thousands.
      Turns out though that this is far from over as an Asteroid the size of the Lone Star State is heading for Earth and that NASA has only 18 days to do something about it before humanity has to kiss its ass goodbye. They do come up with a plan and boy what a "realistic" plan it is...
      So now we meet our main character Harry Stamper who runs a deep sea oil rig played by Bruce Willis who is looking for one of his crewmen A.J played by Ben Affleck  who seems to be doing his best to piss his boss off. When he confronts him he finds out that his business isn't the only thing he is screwing when he finds his daughter Grace played by Liv Tyler(Yes that Liv Tyler) in his bed. Harry takes it as well as you would expect an over protective father to...And by that I mean he chases A.J around the rig with a shotgun. But their fun is interrupted when the government shows up requesting that Harry come with the. He reluctantly agrees but takes his daughter with him to keep her away from A.J.
       Harry is brought to NASA where he is greeted by one of the head scientist played by Dan Truman who gives him the low down of the situation. So your probably asking why did they bring an oil driller to help them with such a dire situation? Well get a load of this: They wasn't to send up two shuttles each carrying two crews to the asteroid. Once there they would drill deep into the rock and then drop a nuke in it which they would detonate one safely off. This explosion will split the asteroid in half and the two pieces would pass Earth and then mankind can breakout the champagne. This is a plan so stupid that it just screams Hollywood logic but this came from the mind of Bay so I guess we shouldn't be surprised.
      Harry agrees to help but only if he is allowed to bring his own men to do the job to which Truman agrees. So with that NASA and the government begins to assemble Harry's gang of misfits: Gentle giant "Bear" played by the late Michael Clark Duncan, Max; a big dude whose weight is his only character trait, Harry's right hand man Chick played by Will Patton, Rockhound; a horny fella played by Steve Buscemi, a geologist named Oscar played by Owen Wilson, and Ben Affleck because lets face it he is his own species.
       So the crew is told of the impending danger as we are given that cliché scene of "Whose with me?" kind of thing. So Chick being the loyal friend he is steps up to the plate. After he speaks though something very odd and jarring occurs. We cut to some gruff looking guy who we had never seen till this point if you blink you'll miss him but he says the line "Guess I cant let you go up there alone". Whose is this guy? Well the character's name is Fred Noonan but who is as a character I have no fucking clue. He shows up here and there sometimes saying a forgettable line but he never does anything or really interact with the rest of the cast. According to the novelization of the film Noonan was a Collection agent for the mafia or something and was beating up some guy when the Feds found him. It feels like he was heavily edited out of the film and I read somewhere(not certain if the source is true or not) that the actor had a falling out with Bay who evened the score by cutting him out of most of the film. It makes sense in a way as this wouldn't be the first or last time an actor had trouble working with Bay.
      While we are still on the subject of this guy why don't we make a little game? Its called "Finding Noonan" which is pretty much "Where's Waldo" but with Alcohol. You can pretty much play this using any kind of drink whether it be beer or liquor.

        Here are the rules
1. Whenever you manage to spot Noonan regardless if he is close to the camera or in the background you drink once.

2. Whenever he says a line of dialogue you drink twice.

3. When Noonan finally dies(because trust me he will) fill you cup to the brim and drink the entire thing right down to the last drop.

Straight forward and fun. Yeah it sounds like I'm trying to destroy your livers but trust me your going to need the liquid courage for the rest of the film.

      Anyways on with the review. So after they pretty much sign their names on the dotted line they go through a series of test to make certain they are fit for the mission. These scenes are pretty much just a series of comedic gags and jokes that are used as substitutes for any character development. I wont lie though I did chuckle a few times but I really felt that we could have gotten some time to get to know these characters but in the end we only learn about what archetype they are playing. Not to mention these scenes only further cement why this plan NASA came up with is just plain stupid. This made clear when the crew is are getting their psychological evaluations showing themselves to be insecure, easily distracted, short tempered, overly emotional, and even psychotic(I'm looking at you Buscemi!).
      So to the surprise of no one they fail their test with flying colors raising reasonable doubt that they are the men for the job and Truman's character only seems to care about whether or not they would survive the trip. Keith David who is playing an angry general in this hits the nail on the head when he says "The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun". But of course the only guy with any common sense is deemed an asshole and we get the typical crap of how they don't have much time left and that they are their only hope. So they are passed and move on to the next phase of their preparations.
       The oil drillers then meet the astronauts who will be flying them to the asteroid. I wont bother introducing them since aside from a name and face they don't have any character to them and are simply red shirts lining up to get butchered in the upcoming mission. After that they are put through a training montage of them preparing for space travel and a scene of them in a simulation attempting to drill into the asteroid in a limited amount of time.
      Aside from the training and the countdown to the day of the mission there is also the side plot of the strained relationship between Harvey and Grace. Harry is afraid that his daughter is growing up to fast and is very protective despite the fact that she is old enough to make her own choices in life. Because of this he doesn't approve of her relationship with A.J. These scenes are few that actually have any sort of human element to them. When you make a film in which characters are going to thrown into a dangerous situation in which some of them might not survive you want your audience to connect with them and actually give a damn if they die or not. Aside from Harry everyone just seems flat and one dimensional.
       With the day of the launch nearing and their training over the crew is given the opportunity to go and have some time to themselves whether it to spend it with their loved one or some fun. Most of the crew goes to a strip joint where they cause a brawl and nearly get arrested(fucking idiots). Meanwhile Chick stops by his ex-wife's place to visit her and his son(who doesn't know he is his dad). She tell him to leave and Chick does but not before telling her that he is involved in something big and that she and his boy might be proud of him.
       Out of all these scenes the one that many still remember to this day is the infamous Animal Cracker scene in which Affleck performs some sort of bizarre form of foreplay with Liv Tyler. If the relationship between Grace and her father is heartwarming(or at best lukewarm) then her romance with A.J is piss poor. This romance is so stale, forced, and uninteresting that I cringe whenever I had sit through a scene involving the two. Some people actually thought these this couple was cute although I fail to see why. Affleck and Tyler were nominated for Worst Screen Couple during the 19th Golden Raspberry Awards but lost to Leonardo DiCaprio in The Man in the Iron Mask.
        It should be to no one's surprise that Aerosmith became involved with the film considering the lead singer's daughter was starring as the Leading Lady. Several of their songs made into the film the biggest being "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" which was performed by Aerosmith specifically for the film. Back then this song was a big hit but today however its reception is pretty mix. I personally didn't really mind this song too much. I didn't like but at the same time I thought it was OK but that's just me.
       So finally the day of reckoning has come as our heroes put on their suits and walk in slow motion towards the launch pad. Of course this couldn't be complete without a rallying speech from the president with everyone on the planet listening in awe. You know what's really annoying? Aside from everything we talked about so far. Its the in your face AMERICA IS NUMBER 1 bullshit that Bay shoves down the throats of the audience. I mean my God! Its pretty much saying "The rest of the world cant do shit without America to save it". Are you telling that the fate of everything is in the hands of two ships filled with a bunch of dumbass oil drillers?! You expect me to believe that the rest of the world is sitting back and letting one country handle the massive space rock of death that is swiftly approaching them?! They say that this mission is a joint operation with Russia and Japan but I don't really see that(aside from the one Russian we'll be meeting soon) I just see America once again saving the day which is a common theme in Bay's films.
       After the crew gets strapped the shuttles Independence and Freedom take off and the race to save the world gets underway. Before they can reach the asteroid however they need to make a little pit stop at the Russian space station MIR so they can refuel. The station is which is under the watch of  its soul inhabitant Lev Andropov; a walking stereotype played by Peter Stormare. Everything seem to be going smoothly at first but the shit goes down as a fire breaks out forcing everyone to evacuate as the station is turned into an action set piece which Bay promptly blows to pieces.
       After that the shuttles fly around the moon in order to come up behind the asteroid and it is only then that we really get a clear look at it. The best way I can describe it is a jagged and spiky monstrosity with a gas like cloud surrounding it. The damn thing looks like a demonic stool that squeezed out of the ass of Hades. If you knew anything about asteroids then you have probably already noticed what is wrong with this. When an asteroid gets to be a certain size its own gravity forces it into the shape of a sphere which is the most common appearance of these space rocks. This is just one of the many scientific inaccuracies in this film. There are so many in fact I could write an entire article on them.
        So the Independence and the Freedom move closer to the asteroid all the while dodging the smaller ones floating around it. However the Independence takes a hit and spirals out of control as it is torn apart sucking out its pilots and Noonan. The rest of the shuttle crashes somewhere on the rock and mission control loses contact with them leaving the fates of A.J and the others unknown. The Freedom lands despite the rough landing and breakout the Armadillo. What's the Armadillo  you may ask? Well its certainly not the animal but a mobile driller outfitted with(I kid you not) machine guns.
     Harry and his crew get to work but realize the surface is tougher than they thought and are barely making any sort of progress. This puts the guys back down on Earth at ease as they start to doubt that the crew will be able to hit their mark of 8000 feet before its too late. The government decides to take matters into their own hands and take control of the NASA headquarters as they try to set off the nuke manually. One of the astronauts played by William Fitcher arms the bomb but Harry tries to talk him out of it promising that he and his men will finish their mission and save their home. Manly tears are shed and they quickly disarm the warhead.
     We find out that A.J survived the crash as did Bear and Lev but unfortunately Owen Wilson bought the farm. They get in their armadillo(which somehow wasn't damaged) and speed across the asteroid to find the others. Meanwhile Harry and the gang are hard at work and are nearing their goal but they strike at gas pocket which blows the digger(along with poor Max who was at the controls) into space.
        While all this is happening Buscemi has gone completely off the deep end and starts running amok. At point he takes control of the armadillo's guns and starts shooting everything in sites forcing the others to duck tape him to a chair for the rest of the mission. Seriously what's next? Is Bear going to start crying like a baby and hide himself in a corner? Or maybe one of the astronauts is going to snap and set off the nuke in a fit of insanity?
        Anyways when all hope seems to be lost A.J and the others show up to save the day. Everyone cheers and they resume drilling and finally reach the required depth to plant the nuke. But smaller pieces start smashing into the asteroid causing several explosions and shrapnel to rain down on our heroes killing one of the astronauts.
        Despite suffering another casualty it seems that the gang they finally leave and set off the bomb. But Lady Luck can be a real bitch as it turns out that the rock storm had damaged the triggering device meaning that one of them(astronauts who have to pilot the shuttle) would have to stay behind to manually detonate the bomb. So the drillers and Lev draw straws to see who is going to "stay up here and dance". Oh no who will be? Will it be Bear who hasn't done a damn thing throughout the film? The Russian? Chick who only had one scene of character development? The mentally unstable Buscemi? Or will it be one of our two leads? Take a guess!
        In what was suppose to be a shocking moment it turns out that A.J got the short straw of the bunch and Harry goes out the airlock with him. Just when it seems that this would be the end for A.J his boss suddenly pulls out his air hose and shoves him back into the airlock. He tells him to take care of his daughter and that he was the son he never had and blah, blah, blah, cue manly tears. Harry contacts Grace and they say their goodbyes to one another. As I said before these scenes are one of the few moments with actual human emotion to them even if Tyler cant act for shit.
       The Freedom leaves and Harry tries to set off the bomb but gets tossed around a little. But at the last minute(as usual) he finally pushes the button and blows the asteroid in two sending both pieces safely sailing pass the earth. Humanity cheers knowing that their miserable existence will be prolonged a little longer.
        The shuttle lands back on Earth as the drillers and astronauts receive a heroes' welcome; Chick  finally rekindling his relationship with his family, Buscemi hooks up with a stripper he met in a earlier scene. and A.J and Grace reunite as the film closes on their wedding where photos of Harry and those who have died on the mission are present. THE FUCKING END!
        And that folks was Armageddon how was it overall? The film is a laughable disaster flick with cheesy ass acting, plot holes that an asteroid can fly through, a god awful romance, clumsy editing, and absolutely loud and obnoxious. Its amazing how much money this thing made with a budget of $140 million dollars it brought in an astounding total of $553 million dollars becoming the highest grossing film of 1998 even beating Saving Private Ryan!
        I'll never understand how some people can actually enjoy this flick. If you do that's cool more power to you. However don't expect me to recommend this to anyone unless it involves lots and lots of booze.

And so ends another review. Thank you all for joining me so stay tuned for future articles and episodes here on a Reeler Movie Reviewer! \(^o^)/

Monday, December 2, 2013

Dark Discussions Podcast: Mr. Brooks

     In this episode of Dark Discussion Podcast the gang and I take a look at the 2007 psychological thriller 'Mr.Brooks' starring Kevin Costner, William Hurt, Dane Cook, and Demi Moore.

The link to the episode is here

Enjoy and stay tuned for future episodes and reviews!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Mystic Guardians

     Hey everyone what's going on Well after browsing the web I found an odd little flash game on the Armor Games website. Mystic Guardians a free MMORPG that is blatant rip-off  of Pokémon. This is not the first time someone had tried to cash in on the success of the popular franchise hell there have been a number of copycats over the years but I found this one to be particularly glaring.
     Mystic Guardians  starts off you playing as either as a boy or a girl and are awoken by your best friend soon to be rival as you head off to acquire your very first monster which like Pokémon is one of three elements: Earth, Fire, and Water. And just like Pokémon as soon as you get your first Guardian you fight your rival.
     From this point forward you pretty just go around talking to people, catching Poke- I mean Guardians, fighting other owners, and doing the occasional side quest. And that's it really seriously you could just buy yourself one of the older Pokémon games and you'd be getting the same deal except a lot more fun.
      Gameplay is just like Pokémon in which you send out a Guardian to fight your opponent selecting from their arsenal of abilities and take turns beating the shit out of one another till one of them falls unconscious. And yes you earn exp from your victories and once you Guardians level up enough they evolve into new forms.
      I'm seriously having a hard time finding much to talk about here that doesn't instantly end with me mentioning Pokémon. Its not a horrid game mind you. Its colorful and its a decent way to pass an hour or two but its not original and doesn't even try to hide the fact that its a rip-off.
      You easily find Mystic Guardians on Armor Games. As I said its free but it does require you to create an account for the site which is also free of charge.
     So conclude yet another review please stay tuned for future reviews, articles, and episodes of Dark Discussions Podcast here on A Reeler Movie Reviewer! See you later!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Dark Discussions Podcast: Carrie

      In this new episode of Dark Discussions the crew and I take a look at the 1976 film adaption of Stephen King's Carrie directed by Brian De Palma. We will also be looking at this year's remake of the same name retold by Kimberly Pierce and compare the two.

The link to the episode is here

Stay tuned for future episodes and I'll see you guys next time here on A Reeler Movie Reviewer!

Sunday, November 10, 2013


     Hello everyone and welcome back to A Reeler Movie Reviewer. Today's review is going to be simply painful and I mean painful. The Subject? An ugly little anime and manga series by the name of Eiken. If you never heard of it then it shouldn't be a surprise since few have but to me that's a good thing.
     Before we dive in I'm going to tell you now that this article wont have any images or video from the show. Why? Because due to the series' content if anyone saw said images and videos they would A: be very offended and complain to the higher ups or B: disembowel themselves with a rusty tea spoon. So for the good of this blog and you my dear audience I wont show anything from this monstrosity. However if you still wanna see for yourselves then don't say I didn't warn you.
      So what is the story? Densuke is your average teenager(like almost every other anime protagonist) has been accepted to a prestigious school called Zashono Academy that comprises of thousands of students. What is this academy and what makes it so special? No idea we are practically told nothing about it and learn nothing else for the duration of the anime. Its just a cheap setting with no bearing on the bare bones plot we have here.
       While walking amongst the other students Densuke crashes into a girl falling face first into her marshmallow airbags. The girl is Chiharu a clumsy shy girl(how original) whose breast seem to comprise of 75 percent of her body. These things are huge and while the show jokes that they are F-cups they look like they are in H and J range. They look ridiculous I cant believe she is able to move around without having to carry those things in a wheelbarrow.
        So after bumping into his obvious love interest their little moment is interrupted by the bat shit crazy Kirika flies in suddenly wanting to recruit Densuke into the Eiken club(its name having no real meaning). What is this club and its importance? No one knows! The club is never explained its only real purpose being to surround our sad excuse for a protagonist with a bunch of big breasted woman. Funny how seems to happen often in anime.
        From here on out the anime devolves into a series of grotesque moments of fanservice that desperately tries to be sexy but instead comes off a misogynistic, ugly, disgusting, and forced. For example Kirika has a fondness for phallic shaped foods that she enjoys sucking on and she is seen doing a lot. Or how about the 11 year old who out of everyone in the cast has the biggest rack(Sorry for the image :P).
      The only thing that can actually be considered to be a plotline is the school's tournament in which Densuke needs to participate in so can win the heart of Chiharu from it champion and pretty boy Shima but even this is just a set up for more boobs, ass shots, and scenes with Kirika deep throating chocolate bananas!
       Not surprisingly Eiken got its ass kicked here in the use from both critic and viewer alike receiving scathing reviews from just about every anime source I could find.
        Over all Eiken is a big inflated piece of steaming shit I can not recommend to anyone not even the most low class and brain dead members of the human species. Stay as far away from this abomination as you can.
        So concludes another review stay tuned for future articles and new episodes of Dark Discussions Podcast! Now if you'll excuse me I need to have a little chat with my computer...


Monday, November 4, 2013

Dark Discussions Podcast: Rabies

     In today's episode the gang and I take a look at the 2012 Israeli thriller titled Rabies(or Kalvet in it original language).

The link to the episode is below.

Enjoy I'll see you all next time here on A Reeler Movie Reviewer!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Naoki Urasawa's Monster

 Hello everyone and a happy Halloween to you. For today's article here on a Reeler Movie Reviewer we'll be taking a look at one of the best damn anime I have ever seen: Monster by Naoki Urasawa an adaptation of the manga of the same name that was published back in 1994 to 2001. It tells the story of Dr. Kenzo Tenma a brilliant neurosurgeon who seems to have it all; he is one of the top doctors in the hospital and the favorite of the director whose daughter he is engaged to. Yes it seems everything but then one dark rainy night a boy with a bullet wound is brought in along with his catatonic sister. When he saves this boy's life Tenma begins a dark and terrifying journey into the mouth of madness itself.


I'm going to avoid spoiling anything because what good is a mystery if you start giving out clues so early? This is an awesome piece of work that definitely sets itself apart from your typical anime and I really wished there were more like it.

The story is complex with many twist and turns that will constantly leave you guessing and its definitely a series you need to watch from the beginning to understand what is going on. I found myself knocked on my ass during each reveal and shocking outcome. Its one of the few anime that is set in a realistic setting with no magic, big ass swords, power-ups, demons, or oversized hair styles.

       The characters are well rounded and believable avoiding the cliche archetypes that you would regularly see and each one goes on a journey of their own that slowly changes them for better or worse yet they are all intertwined heading towards the same thing. I enjoyed each moment spent with these characters never one feeling tired of seeing them and actually caring for them always expecting their next episode to be their last.

       Its a surprisingly long anime running for a total of  74 episodes which is great for since I didn't need to worry about the series trying to compact everything into 12 or 13 episodes because fuck that bull shit! Now your probably going to ask which language you should watch it in right? Well I would say either one and that's not me trying to stay neutral both the original Japanese and the English dub are both great which is more than I can say for other anime.

     If you intend on going to buy it from a video store or something then well your out of luck there. Back in 2009 a DVD box set containing the first 15 episodes was released but since it did poorly in sales Viz who were holding the rights at the time decided not to release the rest of the series and eventually dropped the license. There is "good news" though as Siren Visual has licensed the series to be released in Australia(and yes only Australia) in 5 box sets this November so maybe you could find it off Amazon or perhaps buy it from Siren Visuals main site.

       There are rumors of a live action adaption based on the series. The most recent news says that Guillermo del Toro and HBO are teaming up to create TV series with Toro as its director and the producers being Don Murphy and Susan Montford. How this will turn is anyone's guess but I'll keep my fingers crossed.

      Overall this is a series that I highly suggest that you seek out. You can probably find it online and it is sometimes available in Japanese Sub on Netflix this is a series that you need to see at least once! :)

     Well that's the end of this article have a safe and fun Halloween and I'll see you folks later so stay tuned for future reviews and Dark Discussions episodes here on A Reeler Movie Reviewer.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Dark Discussions Podcast: Insidious

Greetings everyone and welcome back. A new episode of Dark Discussions Podcast is up as the gang and I talk about the Insidious films directed by James Wan. Scare chords, Darth Maul, Tiny Tim, and a sequel that we probably could have done without. Enjoy!

The Link to the episode is right here

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Hanged Doll

     Hello my lovely audience and welcome back to A Reeler Movie Reviewer. Since I am currently juggling other reviews, the Dark Discussions Podcast, classes, and everything in between I decided to give you all this short review for the time being.
      The subject of today's article is Hanging Doll, a Korean webcomic that I came upon sometime ago. Its a psychological thriller in which a group of individuals try to piece together a string of mysterious murders and their connection to a twisted image casted upon a red card and a strange website.
       The moment I read the summary I immediately dived in I guess it helps that I have a fondness for mysteries and psychological horror. The entire thing is about 70 chapters but it flies by fast since there isn't a whole lot of reading. Without spoiling anything I can tell that it builds up to one hell of a reveal. However while it can be pretty suspenseful it has a weird habit of shifting tone is each panel sometimes during inappropriate moments which can be pretty jarring.
        When it comes down to the art I can that it looks pretty good but at the same time a little cartoonish which affects what is suppose to be a frightening and twisted story. On the upside though it looks better than most webcomics I have seen in recent memory.
         The one big complaint that I have with Hanging Doll is its wacky translation that goes from good to passable to downright laughable. I understand that it was independently translated from another language but my god sometimes its a chore to read certain chapters. The good news is that it improves in the later chapters but you first got slog through the earlier chapters first.
         Overall Hanging Doll is a pretty good story that needs more love. Apparently in the final chapter it looked like there was a sequel planned but it seems that's not going to happen as it appears that the writers abandoned the idea before even writing a chapter which is a shame because the concept sounded cool.
           If you want to read it click on this link here:

Enjoy and I'll see you all next time here on A Reeler Movie Reviewer! :D

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Dark Discussions Podcast: Riddick

Hey guys Reeler here. In this podcast episode the gang and I take a look at the latest Riddick film staring Vin Diesel, an alien dog, and a bunch of mooks ready for the ax on a planet that is pretty much Pitch Black all over.

Have fun and stay tuned for future episodes. :D

Here is the link to the episode

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Dark Discussions Podcast: You're Next

    Hey everyone what is going on? Today I present to you an all new episode of Dark Discussions Podcast where we talk about horror movies and everything that is awesome. In this episode we look at You're Next a horror film that was released on August 23, 2013. This is my first episode with the crew so you can tell I'm a bit nervous LOL. :P

Note: Near the end of the episode my connection went screwy as hell and I was unable to connect with the group which is why I vanish for the last few minutes. (;一_一)

Here is the link to the episode

Have fun and I'll see you folks next time!  (≧∇≦)/

Friday, September 27, 2013

Mirai Nikki

     Hello folks boys and ghouls for todays review and since we are closing in on always awesome month of October I decided to do something awesome for the occasion. We going to look at a series that has everything, action, romance, horror, comedy, blood and gore, and a creepy stalker girl with a deadly obession. This is Mirai Nikki or Future Diary as it has become to be known as in the English translation. I'm serious this series is the shit just check out the opening below!

NOTE: I do not own anything of the videos or images.

     I'm usually very picky when it comes to picking a series that I want to watch from start to finish but Mirai Nikki won me over at day one. 

     The story follows a hapless loser named Yukiteru "Yuki" Amano who spends just about most of his days writing a diary on his cell phone and watching the world go by. He doesn't have any friends except for a pair of "imaginary" ones named Deus Ex Machina and Muru Muru the former giving Yuki a unique diary and mentions a special game. It turns out Yuki's diary is capable of predicting the near future of things around him. He survives a brush with death when he is pursued by a blade wielding masked man but manages to kill him with the timely appearance of a pink haired girl named Yuno who had her own diary.
     It turns out that Deus is far from imaginary and is the ruler of time and space and that Yuki is a participant in a survival game in which he and eleven other individuals(minus the guy he killed) must fight and kill each other in a span of 90 days. The winner will inherit the throne and take his or her place as the God of Time and Space.

     This not the first death game themed story but it does have its own unique flavors and twists that seperate it from it cousins. First each competitor has a Future Diary a powerful device usually in the form of a cell phone although there are others that take there own unique shape like a computer or a book. The type of ability of a Future Diary depends on the person who wields it. For example lets someone was working as a principal at a school which means he is responsible for a place filled with hundreds of kids. Now lets imagine he has a Diary which allows him to keep track of every student what they are doing. Something that complex would mean that the diary would need to be a bit large so something like a laptop or a a computer would be appropriate. But a common trait that several Future Diaries is the power to predict the near future in some shape or form.

     Another noticeable difference is the competitors in this death game. Usually in these types of  stories the characters forced into these deadly situations will either try to fight against the guys pulling the strings or team up to escape with the exception of the few who decide to play to save their own skins. In Mirai Nikki most are willing participants in this bloody game. We got a cult leader with a fucked up back story, a psycho toddler, a serial killer, a terrorist, a dirty cop, a super sentai wannabe, a weird ass looking woman and her squad of battle orphans, a battle couple, a dude who is a little too fond of his dogs, and a mayor with Nazi ideology. What a lovely bunch huh? But to me that's one of the strengths of the series; the cast has such a mix different flavors from fun and silly to bat-shit insane and awesome.

     While we are still on the subject of characters I guess I'll name a few of my personal favorites.

     The first one is Yomostu Hirasaki the twelfth diary user. This guy is just a joy to watch and I wished he had a bigger part. Blind and completely out of his mind the guy dresses up as a Super Sentai Hero and goes running around the streets at night fighting crime. This guy is the definition of crazy awesome plus he has one of the most kickass entrances I've seen.

    My personal favorite of the bunch is Minene Uryuu a survivalist and terrorist who is determined to wipe God from the face the earth. This character saved the show for me and what I mean by that is a topic we'll get to in a bit. Minene is such a cool anti-heroine; she's a broken bird with a very tragic past but that doesn't stop her from kicking some serious ass. She also(in my opinion) has the best character development of the entire cast and has some of the best moments whether they are funny, epic, or heart warming. Not to mention her seiyu Mai Aizawa does such an excellent job in her portrayal of the character.

     The show is a fucking blast but despite that is no where near perfect. The show starts off very strong mixing each episode and each chapter with an delicious blend of horror and action and at first I thought this show could only get better...Well I was only partly right. The stakes becoming higher yes but a couple of moments felt like complete cope outs  and the twist is so obvious that you could see it from a mile away. Remember when I said that Minene saved the show for me? Well the reason for that is because the leads Yuki and Yuno are annoying as a hornet up the fucking ass. Yuki our main character is a whiny little wimp and while I can understand his fear considering the situation but hearing him cry and cower for a third of the series was enough to make me cringe. Yuno isn't much better while a girl with an ax can very entertaining I found myself often hating her guts although I found her creepy psyche to be fascinating. I was always baffled by the obsession people had for Yanderes sure I can understand why people would have fun with these characters but some folks take it a "little" too far. It doesn't help that these two are wearing the most effective set of plot armor I have ever seen.

      The worst of the flaws comes at the end of the series mainly the ending which felt absolutely rushed and without much closure which left a lot of fans pretty pissed. This was remedied by an OVA called Future Diary: Redial which help tied up loose ends and answered many of the questions left unanswered so its all good.

      I guess while we're still talking about the anime I should mention the Dub done by Funimation. I watched the first episode and it seriously left something to be desired. Now I'm not trying to sound like some kind of purist who thinks that dubs are evil and all that shit I just think that from what I've seen Funimation could have done so much better. The cast sounds pretty solid at first glance; Brina Palencia who plays Rei Ayanami from Neon Genesis Evangelion and Eve from Black Cat is in this but sadly she just so happens to play the very emotional and psychotic Yuno. Some people actually like the Dub version and that's cool maybe if I see a few more episodes the voices will grow on me then again maybe not.

     Overall Mirai Nikki/Future Diary is an awesome ride which I would strongly recommend that you should check out. You can find episodes online on multiple sites and all 26 episodes are available on DVD.

So ends another review thanks again for joining me and stay tuned for future articles down the road. If you have seen this show feel free to share your experience and/or opinions in the comments section below.  See you all next time!


Saturday, September 21, 2013

The Top 5 Worst Places to Live in Fanatsy and SCI-FI

     Hello everyone and welcome back to a Reeler Movie Reviewer! The Fantasy and Science Fiction genres have created some of the most exciting and mind blowing world in both films and novels heck I'm sure there are places that we wished we could go to even for a day to escape from reality. But then there are those worlds that at first sound pretty awesome but when you take a closer look at them that job at that boring convenience store starts to look pretty inviting. Today we are looking at the Top 5 Worst Places to Live in Fantasy and Sci-Fi.

The Jedi Temple  

       I'm sure that once or twice(and sometimes often) we imagined ourselves being Jedi Knights(*Cough* Empire for the win! *Cough*) traveling to different planets, fighting monsters and dark warriors, and saving the day. But when you sit down to think about it being a Jedi kind of...well sucks. The fucking prequels didn't help either. In order to become a Jedi who are taken from their homes and families at a very young age and raised by the Order mostly because they would be easier to brain wash. So you grow up learning how to cut people in half with a lightsaber and throw people around with the force and are pretty much a "friendly" enforcer sent around trying maintain balance and uphold some bullshit decree. Your entire life revolves around the Jedi Order and you have to give up any sort of pursuit of happiness and are bound to the ideals of democracy. Oh and while we're at it the Jedi Order frowns on strong emotions as they believe will inevitably lead to a Jedi becoming a Sith which is why they cant get laid...Yeah. The Jedi Order itself is pretty baffling as throughout the prequel trilogy they make some absolutely stupid decisions so it did not surprise me in the least when they collapsed in "Revenge of the Sith".

The World of Shingeki no Kyogin(Attack on Titan)


Now before any of you start freaking out let me make myself clear: I do not hate Shingeki no Kyogin. In fact I love this series its probably one of the best anime and manga that I have seen recently but the idea of spending a week behind the walls of humanity's last sanctuary is definitely not my idea of a fun-filled vacation. Think about it you are living in a enclosed society with man-eating giants roaming outside in the country side. Mankind does not know how many they are, where they came from, or why they do what they do. Your only defenses are a big ass wall, rows of rather inaccurate cannons, and foot soldiers that get eaten by the dozens. Sure you can join the army to fight for the future of your race but if you think that you would be some sort of badass think again. The characters that have survived this far are the elite the top ten badasses  while just about every grunt that we meet spouts off a couple of lines before being chewed to bits. What makes it worst is that there is corrupt governments, some sort of shadowy conspiracy and traitors in the city.


     Yeah I said it and I'm not taking it back. You know a school where one can learn magic sounds like a good idea on paper but after going through the Harry Potter series I begin to question things. Now don't think this is me bashing on the series as a whole because I'm not, Harry Potter has plenty awesome adventures, mysteries, and a very creative world but its that fucking school that drives me up a god damn wall. First off when you first enter the school your house(which you'll be a part of from here on out) is decided by a fucking talking hat that reads you and puts you into one of the following four: Hufflepuff which is basically made up of laid back and pretty decent dudes, Ravenclaw which has all the nerds and bookworms, Gryffindor which is filled with bigshots and would be heroes, and then there is Slytherin which is made up of students who would probably drive a spoon into your brain as soon as you turned your back. So if you get into one of the first two good for you. If you get into Gryffindor then your a showoff dick, and if you get into Slytherin then I guess your calling is being an asshole and a villain. The teachers and grounds keepers are so incompetent that they need their students to solve the issues at hand. The school and the areas around them are fucking hazardous from three headed dogs to giant spiders to killer trees to venomous basilisks right down to the tiny psycho pixies. And the danger of this place shows as the damn mortality rate for this place as the series went on which include broken limbs, petrification, and death by Killing Spell. By the end of it the school is in ruins with numerous students slain granted it was during the rise of a racist madman but damn if I was a father I couldn't sleep knowing that I may one day get a letter from the school saying that my kid got ran through by an angry unicorn or was killed by a mandrake because he just so happened to get that one pair of ear muffs that was broken.

The Soul Society  

     Awhile back I used to watch and read a shonen series called Bleach which kicked some serious ass. However as it went on Bleach began a steep decline in quality. The plot holes, the ass pulls, the endless filler episodes, and the biggest anticlimax I had ever seen in a manga. Needless to say I finally had enough and dropped the series. Looking back among all the problems it had one that stood out the most was one of the settings: The Soul Society. This place is pretty much a Japanese version of Heaven only its shit. So lets say you die one day whether from old age or because had a stroke of bad luck and got slammed by a truck. You are now a Whole a soul that is no longer anchored to it body. Well from here several things can occur: 1) A Soul Reaper appears and guides you to the afterlife 2) You lose your humanity and turn into a Hollow; a bloodthirsty monster and then need a Reaper to purify you with a sword to the face or 3) You get your ass eaten by the aforementioned Hollows. If you are lucky enough to have 1 or 2 happened to you then congratulations you made it to the Soul Society. Upon arrival you are assigned to one of several districts some of them are quite peaceful while others are filthy slums filled with thieves, bandits, and murderers and the best part is you are assigned to a district randomly so kiss your ass goodbye if you find yourself in a shitty part of town. Oh yeah and before you start thinking that maybe you'll be reunited with a family member or a lost friend well that's probably not going to happen because chances are they are in some other district. Many of the families in the Soul Society are made up of complete strangers so don't be surprised if your new family is made up of a former hooker, a man with a hobby for taming squirrels to dance, and that weird bum you used to see in the streets who was convinced that his name was Margaret and eats the lice from his hair. But it gets better there is actually diseases in the afterlife. The afterlife that so called paradise and resting place for the dead has lethal diseases hell one character has one that leaves him bed ridden and coughing blood while another character lost his wife to a damn fever. Now if you think that maybe you'll be one of the luck few and have spirit energy which would allow you to become a Soul Reaper. Sure sounds cool and all but as a result you need to eat and drink and essentially need to join the military fighting criminals, assassins, and of course those god damn hollows. Oh and to top it all off if you die you get reborn and get to do the whole cycle all over again. YAY SOUL SOCIETY!

The Zombie Apocalypse


Now this is coming from a huge zombie fanboy. I do not understand the strange obsession people have for a zombie apocalypse I just don't. It seems that a number of people are expecting to it to happen while others just cant wait to start smashing in the heads of the endless hordes of man-eating corpses. PEOPLE ITS NOT AS AWESOME AS IT SOUNDS! Not only would million die from whatever sort of virus that would be responsible but all order and society itself would collapse. What we would be left with are roaming groups of survivors, bandits, and rundown safe havens scattered across a country littered with corpses and dried blood.  Not only would you have to contend with zombies but also humans who might just shoot you for that can of beans in your backpack. Every day would be a struggle against living, the dead, and the elements. It would takes years before civilization  got back on its feet but there is also the possibility that it might not. Yeah sounds like a great fucking time....

And those ladies and gentlemen are my top 5 worst places to live in the world of Science Fiction and Fantasy! Can you think of worst places then please share your opinion in the comments section below this article. That's all for now see you next time!

Thursday, September 19, 2013


         Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome back to A Reeler Movie Reviewer. Usually whenever I do an article its usually about a movie, TV show, or a flash game but this time around once again I want to branch out. Aside from watching films another hobby of mine is reading. Books to me are a form of cinema in they re selves by using details and a strong narrative structure an author can immerse their readers into the world in which the story is taking place whether it be a fantasy world, an alien planet, a war zone, or in this case a creepy hotel. Today we look at David Morrell's Creepers
         For those of you who have never heard of him; David Morrell is a novelist whose first novel was First Blood which would later inspire the Rambo series. I have never read any of his other works and was only introduced to him through "Creepers" but if his other novels are as good as this one then I'll definitely have to start looking into some of them.
        Creepers tells the story of four urban explorers(Individuals who explore abandoned structures) and a reporter by the name of Frank Balenger who gather at a old motel with plans of infiltrating the Paragon Hotel a massive pyramid like structure built by the mysterious millionaire named Morgan Carlisle. After traveling through dark rat infested tunnels the group reaches their destination. Wandering though the silent halls and empty rooms each with a tragic tale of their own the group so learns more about the building's creator and discover that there are dark secrets hidden behind every door and around every corner soon realizing that the Paragon Hotel is not as empty as it seems. Evil lives within the building a monstrous, cruel, and malevolent force that will stop at nothing to destroy them.
          From the description you can probably guess that Creepers is a horror novel well that's only partly true. Its more of a thriller but definitely does have some elements of horror in it.  The novel starts off as a mystery adventure where our protagonists explore the hotel uncovering clues and bits of information as it goes on and slowly both the characters and the readers begin to see a much bigger picture as everything comes full circle and I definitely felt that was one of its strong points. Morrell really knows how to build up tension and suspense keeping his audience's attention until the big reveal(And holy shit what a reveal it is).
           The setting was cool. Reading the descriptions given to me it help me create a grand image of this building and its impressive structure although it can get a bit confusing sometimes when your trying to remember where everything is although the building is described as being that complex but even then you'll find yourself backtracking in these parts. Could you imagine stepping into a building untouched by man for many years being the first to set foot through its doors? The secrets and history all around you. That's the feeling I got reading this novel I wanted to know more about the Paragon Hotel and Carlisle.
            The characters are sorta of a mixed bag. You get a general idea of who they are and know enough that you can at least get attached them and care what happens to them. There are a couple that could have been fleshed out more though. In the entire novel only two characters get any development and backstory one of them being our main character Balenger.
            I cant reveal too much without risking spoilers but I can say that while it may start of slow it allows you to immerse yourself into the story slowly guiding you through the shadows of the Paragon before creeping up on you and pushing you down an elevator shaft into a sea of blood and insanity plus its quite the page turner one minute you'll be at page five and before you know it you looking down page fifty-seven.
          Over all Creepers is an awesome thrill ride I would absolutely recommend it to people who love urban exploration, horror, and mystery. There is also a sequel called Scavenger but honestly its no where near as strong as Creepers but who knows maybe you'll get something out of it. So look for Creepers by David Morrell at your local bookstore or library and get ready to journey into the Paragon Hotel but be forewarned "The darkest secrets live in places you're not supposed to be."
           Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your comments and opinions in the section below the article or if you have any requests for future reviews let me know. I know that I haven't reviewed any books until now but I wanted to branch out more. See you folks next time!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Something Random

Did You Know?

Contrary to what some people believe Evil Dead 2 is not a "remake" of the 1981 film. What happened Sam Raimi intended to use scenes from the previous film as a recap however the rights couldn't be obtained so the crew had to create a whole new opening scene where Ash(Bruce Campbell) and his girlfriend go to the cabin and the awakening of the dark spirit. Needless to say this confused many people making wonder what was canon and what wasn't. So in truth Evil Dead 2 is a direct continuation of the previous movie.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

The Worst Reality Show

     Everyone I present to you Rubbish or Smut or other times Shit but on the air it is know simply as Toddlers & Tiaras. I hate this show I hate it so much more than any other show that has ever crawled from the festering abyss of creativity(If you could even call it that). I don't think I need to make any sort of introduction but as usual I'm gonna for those have probably been living under a rock. Toddlers & Tiaras is a reality show about a child beauty pageant in which young girls are dressed up in slutty outfits and act like fashion models in front of judges(Most who I suspect of being pedophiles) just so they can win to please vanity and pride of their sad excuses for parents. If I were to describe this show in a single word it would be "DISGUSTING". How the flying fuck has show manage to get six seasons and even more baffling is still on?! What the hell is wrong with my country?!?! How is it that the authorities or child services haven't tried to put a stop to this crap?
     When I was deciding which show to choose for this article it came down to this show and TMZ. I hated both of these turds with a burning passion but I had to pick one. So I weighed the two. Which was worse? Bottom feeding journalism in which sad sacks of shit stalk celebrities watching their every move just so they can write ugly articles about them OR a show in which children are exploited and abused by their own parents and dressed up like dolls to be shown off to audiences everywhere. Well you can probably figure out what the outcome was. Thankfully I'm not the only one feels this way as the show has been panned by the public and critics even though the backlash wasn't enough to slay this abomination but maybe one day mankind will be victorious...One day...
     For these reasons I crown Toddlers & Tiaras as the ugliest, dumbest, rotten piece of monkey shit reality show I have ever had the misfortune to watch!

Thank God I'm pass this bullshit but there is still more terror ahead so stay tuned  as we continue our count down of the Evils of the 21 Genres! See you all next time!

Monday, September 9, 2013

The Incredible Hulk

    Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome back to A Reeler Movie Reviewer. Todays' review was a special request by Eric Webster. For this article we'll be taking a look at the classic 1970s TV series "The Incredible Hulk"! For those who may not of heard of this series it was based on the big green muscle man of the Marvel Universe the Hulk; the monstrous alter ego of the mild mannered scientist Bruce Banner(David in the show) who once anger transforms into the titular character.
      A pilot episode aired on November 4, 1977 which explained the origins of the Hulk. The main series began its debut in 1978 to 1982 running for 5 seasons with a total 82 episodes as well as three made for TV films. Despite ending though the series still has to this day a loyal fanbase and remains a cult classic.

     Now I wasn't born back then so I didn't necessarily grow up with the show however I did see a number of episodes during its rerun on the Sci-Fi channel before its horrible metamorphoses into what we know now as the SyFy channel(Seriously WTF?). I liked it but I wasn't really old enough to appreciate it for what it was. Thanks to the Internet I was now able to revisit it through a number of episodes put up on Youtube.

     So now that I got the chance to watch the show after so many years what do I think of it as a whole? While the show is dated I can easily see why so many people liked it and I being unbiased here since the Hulk is one of my favorite super heroes along with Batman and Iron Man. The first thing I noticed right away on the first episode is the tone. Now don't think that this show is silly and over the top like the Batman series with Adam West this show plays it straight and is serious in it mood despite it being a bit campy. It surprised me little because the show plays more like a drama with a superhero twist. Then again the power to turn into the Hulk is more of a curse than a gift sort of like lycanthropcy triggered by emotions. Throughout the series our protagonist desperately searches for a cure to his condition one that he may never find.


     I only found a number of available episodes so I can only get a general feel of the show but at times it feels very formulaic meaning that it often follows a predictable narrative structure.

The typical episode goes as followed.

1. David Banner arrives at new location and meets some different characters.

2. Villains of the episode have some sinister scheme that is sure to ruins everyone's day.

3. Banner Hulks out, beats the hell out of the baddies, and saves the day.

4. Banner leaves and moves on. *Cue credits and sad piano music*

    Now I have not seen the whole show so I'm doubting every single episode is like that.

    Before we continue I wanted to get something out of the way. I know that the real name of the scientist is Bruce Banner however before anyone pounces me with torches and pitchforks this is not me not knowing a damn thing about the comics or lack of research but in fact David is the name that the creators of the show gave him. Why change the name? Well I did of bit of snooping around on the web and found out that Bruce was changed to David apparently because the former was a stereotypical name for gays or something stupid. So really the whole reason to change it was pointless moving on! And don't you get me started on the bright idea the creators had of changing the Hulk from green to red!

I can watch this all day.....

     The casting is pretty good the two major characters David(*Cough* Bruce *Cough*) Banner and the investigative newspaper reporter Jack McGee are played by Bill Bixby and Jack Golvin respectively. Both actors do a great job in their roles especially Bixby I mean seriously I cant help but feel sorry for this guy and that damn piano music doesn't help any. The other actors range from good to decent to over the top or just plain hammy but I feel that this mix bag really adds a sort of charm to the show.

      I cant necessarily review a show about the Hulk without talking about that lovable pissed off green wrestler. The Hulk is played Lou Ferrigno an ex-fitness trainer and body builder who main job in the role is to grow and smash shit which he does well even though he isn't actually ramming through real brick walls or hurling big boulders. I actually saw this gut at Spooky World many years back when I was little signing autographs which I at the time had no real interest in although looking back I kind of wished I tried. The role of the Hulk would be Ferrigno's best known performance one I doubt he could ever top even if he tried.

      I don't really know how the series ended although I got a "small" hint from the title of the third film but apparently that wasn't suppose to be the finale and the creators actually had a sequel planned out. Unfortunately that never came to be as tragically Bixby's health deteriorated and he finally lost his battle with cancer on November 21,1993 at the age of 59 thus ending the journey of David Banner and the Hulk.

       Overall I would recommend that you folks check it out. Its a cult classic that to me deserves alot more love these days. You can find episodes on web if you dig around a bit but if you are dead set on seeing the series in its entirety then I got good news for you because the show is available on DVD as are the three made for TV films. You may like it or you may hate it but at the very least you need to see an episode or two just so you can say that you had watched it.

So ends another review. I hope you enjoyed it. Please share your comments in the section below the article. What did you think of the show? Did you grow up with it?

Stay tuned for future articles and if you want me to review a certain movie or TV show just let me know! See you guys later!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Worst Comedy

     Well folks today is a going to be a tough one because we are going to take a look at a very awful and unfunny movie here. I present to you Baby Geniuses which was directed by the late Bob Clark who had written some of the most timeless films among those being A Christmas Story and Home Alone. Yes you read right! The guy who brought us those movies made THIS. I was tempted to do a double whammy by talking about this film and its sequel but I realized that evil never shares its throne with no one. It was a tough call considering that the second movie Super Baby Geniuses was Clark's last film before his death in 2004...what a way to go out. What make the original stand out though is just how ugly it looks I mean its pretty fucking freaky especially when the babies talk which done through poorly placed animated mouths saying some of the dumbest things ever to be put to script. Fuck the damn E-Trade babies didn't look as creepy as this little bastards. Several times through out the movie one of the babies says the phrase diaper gravy as if the bastards who made this thought it was a work of fucking genius(See what I did there?). The whole plot revolves around some bullshit experiment to find out the capabilities of an infant's mind which so happens to turn out that babies start of as Einsteins before degrading into average dumbass adults. Its hard to watch especially seeing someone like Christopher Lloyd degrade himself more by being in this fucking flick then again he would star in The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure in 2012 so really I'm not all that surprised. In fact along with Lloyd everyone one on this piece of crap looked embarrassed to be on screen they probably had to down a few cups of liquid courage just to get through the next scene without going insane.

Below these words before is the scene that pretty much sums the whole damn thing.


Baby Genius is bad really really fucking bad and still to this day considered to be among the worse movies made. It currently has only 2% on Rotten Tomatoes and was actually listed by Roger Ebert as one of his most hated films. While the sequel did get worse reviews and was a box office failure I honestly felt that it predecessor deserved the crown more and keep in mind my choices are not divine decrees just my opinion. With these words said I award Baby Geniuses the spot of being the worst comedy ever made.

Know a worst comedy? Share your opinion and/or experience in the comments section below. See you all next time! :D

Sunday, September 1, 2013

The Worst Action Movie

     I'm usually Ok with "mindless action" but Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever is on a whole different level of the word. The film stars Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu who play our lead characters in a plot so dull, silly, and contrived that you have to stop and wonder what was going through the minds of the writers when they were putting this script together. This is a prime example of a lying title; you would think from reading it that it was going to be a movie in which these two fight each other but really that's not the story but instead involves them teaming up to defeat a common enemy and they even screwed that up as well.  The whole thing is just confusing and mind numbingly dull that I would not even recommend it to people who like bad movies. The film was a major box-office failure having a total budget of 70 million dollars and only made back 19 million of that. Rotten Tomatoes ranked it #1 on their list of worst movies and to add insult to injury the Game Boy Advanced games based off the movie were far better received than this piece of shit could ever hope to be. Say what you will about Michael Bay but he would have to try 10x harder to sink below the levels that this film does and that is why I crown this movie as the Worst Action Film ever made.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

A Lost and Forgotten Movie: Twice Upon a Time

     Hello folks its Reeler here and welcome back! Today's review is VERY special. We are going to take a look at a rare film that few had seen or even heard about. Twice Upon A Time a 1983 animated film directed by John Korty and produced by Bill Couturié and George Lucas (yes that George Lucas). You haven't heard of it? Well I cant really blame you until the Internet was all powerful very few people did so before we dive into the actual film a little history.
     Before its release the movie went through a number of edits resulting in two versions of the movie mainly due to the language. One version of the movie had PG language as to not alienate a younger audience while the other had some Adult language.  One thing to keep in mind that the language was just one of the many things changed. The Ladd Company; the studio distributing the film was in a bit of a pickle since they were nearing bankruptcy and had to decide as to how they would release the film. On one hand they could give the movie a limited release or go balls out an release it world wide. Eventually they decided to do the former and the movie ended up being a box office failure. Despite that the movie has garnered a cult following and is considered to be one of the most important stop-motion films.
     To this day the film has yet to get a DVD release and its soundtrack is no where to be found. However despite this you can find the movie on Youtube right now and a rentable download on Amazon. Click the link here to see the film on Youtube:
      Now on to the actual movie. The plot of the story takes place in the city of Din where its inhabitants the Rushers go about their everyday business only stopping when it is time to sleep. This city lies between two different one is the bright and happy Frivoli where Greensleeves; a sandman like characters and his little friends called Figmen bring peaceful dreams to the Rushers. The other world is the dark factory-like world called Murkworks where our villain the mustache twirling Synonamess Botch who wants to get rid of Greensleeves so he can plague the Rushers with endless nightmares. Using his vulture henchmen he captures the Figmen and Greensleeves but not before the later sends out an S.O.S to Frivoli. This is where me meet our two unlikely heroes; Ralph The All Purpose Animal and his friend Mumford a silent fellow who looks a lot like Charlie Chaplin who soon become the only hope for both Frivoli and the City of Den as they set off on their strange adventure. I'm not going explain the entire plot because I feel this is one of those special little movies that you should see at least once.
       The film uses Cutout animation which is a technique that involves using flat characters, props, and backgrounds to create an animated sequence. An example of this was the very first episode of South Park before they switched to computer animation. Movie's animation from beginning to end is pretty impressive adding a surreal feel to the world and its characters.
       The casting for this film consists improvisational comedians mostly because that all the studio could afford to hire remember they were facing bankruptcy. However despite that the actors do a pretty damn good job portraying the characters. Honestly if you were to call in big name actors to dub over the original voice acting it really wouldn't fit for some reason maybe because the film(to me at least) feels very down to earth and not a big flashy animated flick like we have today.
      I remember first seeing Twice Upon a Time way back when I was little. There used to be a segment on Cartoon Network called Cartoon Theater which would show movies late at night. While the name didn't stick itself in my head the images and the characters did and it drove me crazy for years. When I finally got ahold of the Internet I typed in anything I could remember into the browser and voila I found it! Man so many memories came rushing back.
     Personally I loved this movie I feel that its an underappreciated classic that needs more attention and hopefully one day a DVD release however thanks to the Internet the movie has been saved from falling into obscurity and really becoming a Lost and Forgotten Movie. So please when you get the chance check it and see some great animation.

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