Thursday, January 10, 2013

Flash Game Madness: Aliens The Board Game

Hey everyone Reeler and today we are on an express elevator to hell as we look at a flash game of one of my favorite movies Aliens. This little game is actually based of the original board which is sadly out of prints so its pretty awesome that someone actually converted it into this little gem.

The game plays out like a table top game with you moving your marines through three different levels all the while blasting the endless hoards of xenomorphs to bite sized little pieces.

As I had just said before there are three levels in this and while that doesn't seem like much believe me these scenarios are far from easy.

You can either play through a level one at a time or you can test your skill and try to complete all the levels in "story mode".
When you start the game you first need to assign your squad to their positions. The number of marines and characters available will depend on which scene of the movie or how many survivors you have from the previous level. As soon as you've done that the Alien's turn will begin and they will start spawning randomly on the map sometimes right on top of your soldiers and there is nothing you can do about it. No matter where you place your units. no matter what formation you come up, or how spread out you are there will always be a chance at least on of your men with be snagged. Already that's one problem in this game which can make it frustrating especially if you want to try to save all your men.

When its your turn you have the opportunity to move your units. Each of them can do the following actions-Move or Shoot. Most characters can only go two spaces at most with the exception of Apone, Hicks, and Ripley(You wanna keep these guys alive!). When you attack an alien there are two different boxes with numbers in them. The top one will have a lower number then the second for example 20 to 70. If you choose 20 you'll have a smaller percentage to hit but you will have a chance to move the character a space but if you choose 70 then you'll likely kill the alien but you can't move. With characters like Hicks you can kill an alien easily and move quicker.

Just like in the movie the aliens bleed acid when killed so if one is next to your marines don't shot it. The only way to neutralize the acid spray if with a flamethrower so make sure you have one watching the back and rear of the squad.

The three scenarios in this game are-
The Reactor
Rescue Newt

In the Reactor level you need to guide the marines out of the alien hive. Straight foreward but difficult because the longer it takes you to complete the level the more aliens will spawn on the map.

Operations has several phases in it. In the first phase you will need to hold off the aliens for six turns before heading down the hall(Use Hicks since he has three move action plus he is carrying a torch to cut the door open). It takes several turns to cut it open so hold off the aliens until then. Open you open the door get your men through make sure Newt(The little girl) is in front because she will "detect" the vent entrance. When you go through the vents you need Newt to lead you because at several points in the vent you will encounter a question mark which you need to get past in order to move on. Because of her bond with Ripley she will only move if Ripley is watching her back so if Ripley dies your screwed.
Note: In this mission some of the marines will be carrying pulse rifles with grenade launchers. DO NOT use the grenades. The blast radius is nuts and is more than capable of killing your troops much quicker than the aliens.

The final mission Rescue Newt is the biggest bitch of them all! Not only because its the hardest mission but because you'll be facing the "bitch" AKA the Queen. When the level starts you must guide Ripley and the surviving marines through the nest to find Newt. Ripley is carrying a tracker which will tell you how close you are to finding the screechy little half pint. If Ripley dies or gets captured good luck completing the mission because you'll be stumbling around trying to guess where Newt is. In one of these rooms is the Queen if you run into her do not fight her. Its not required that you kill her so slowly step away because she is tough. How tough? Well she can kill four of your marines with a single swipe. If the Queen wasn't the only problem then the fact that you only have 50 turns to find Newt makes it all the more annoying.

Overall its a fun little game despite how hard it is so I'd say if it a shot and see what you think!

Heres a link to the games below.

Please let me know if the link works or not. See you soon!!!! :D

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The Horrors Of Rule 34

The article is on a mature topic. If you are not 18 or older please do not read!

Note: I do not own any of the images you see here however I do own this review.

Yes you read right my friends. Today we will be journeying to the darkest corners of the Internet to look at one of the most infamous rules of the Internet.

RULE 34 which is if it exist in our world whether its real or fictional there is porn of it somewhere no exceptions! Name something go ahead I dare ya because chances are you find it taking up the ass or down the throat.

Go to a search engine for images whether its Google, Bing, or what not, turn off the filters, and then type something in. You bound to find something. Hell one of my friends came across an image of a can of Mountain Dew fucking a ham sandwich!

When one encounters such images they will have either of the following reactions.

They will...

A) Be shocked and utterly horrified(The most common reaction)


How it usually goes

B) Laugh(Some of the images are downright funny)

C) Their childhood is forever ruined(I'm still recovering). Not joking the moment you see one of your favorite cartoon characters getting violated by tentacles or covered in baby batter you will never ever be able to look at that character or that show the same way again.

"But...why? My God why you do a thing like that?"

"Just fap. Fap your childhood to pieces!" - 4chan

D) Or....


There is soooo much porn that there is now a site for Rule 34(Browse at your own risk). The biggest target of Rule 34 seems to be mostly in the furry department with anime being a close second. Pokemon for example is one of the things you'll want to have the safe search on for at all time. I cannot tell you how much porn of this franchise is out there. I know people are pretty fucked up...

Be careful when looking up the more humanoid Pokemon.

A close second is well... >_>
There is a TON of porn for this show.

Yes this exist! (>_<) And don't get me started on Disney!!!!

Also be forewarned when looking up any pics of a certain blue hedgehog. And I wont even go into the amount of porn of real life people like musicians or celebrities. They are not safe either which shouldn't be a surprise considering there is "no exception" in Rule 34. To give you an example Adam Savage of Mythbusters had to ordered a special delivery of Brain Bleach saying on his Twitter "I HAVE seen things I wish to unsee".

Never create a character that is based on someone you know. The creator of Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends Craig McCracken based the character Frankie of his wife so one can only imagine how he reacted to finding images of her.

This also includes fanfictions which take the form of stories called Lemons which pretty much involve two characters from a franchise(or separate in some cases in crossover fics) or a character and an original character(Known as OCs) bumping uglies. Some of those Lemons are the stuff of nightmares.

Here is a link to Project A.F.T.E.R Forums where we look at a pretentious fanfiction about how to write shitty sex scenes for a fanfic with hilarious riffing from one of the forum users.

If you are feeling really brave take a gander at this Pokemon fanfiction(one of a million others). Warning this has really explicit sexual content read at your own risk! I cannot stress it enough. If you want to preserve your childhood do not read! This is not safe for work!!!!

Seriously you can strap some poor bastard down and force him/her to sit through a montage of Rule34's gallery and a few hundred Lemons and you probably get this reaction below.

I'm no prude but sometimes(most of the time) there is a line between sexy and just plain creepy and well most of the time it is not just simply crossed but jumped right over a hundred fucking feet. You want an example? Well I'm not going to give you one because I like you too much to do that.

If you do come across anything that you cannot get out of your head simply order some Brain Bleach. Believe me it comes in handy when you need it.

Interestingly enough in certain parts of the Internet pornography become sort of a bizarre art form. Art and flash games are the most common of these. While I find alot of what I have seen rather weird or grotesque in some situation I do find myself impressed by the quality of work the creators put into their creations. Of course there will still be those who see it as simply smut but these creations do have their admirers. That's the interesting thing about Rule34. Some people actually like things like this and I'm not gonna judge you if you do. Each to their own as they say.

In the end Rule 34 is a something that no matter how much time has passed it will never go away. As long as there are men and women at their computers, as long as new characters are created for cartoons and anime, as long as there are those with their one hand down their pants and the other on a pencil there will always be porn. It will exist as long as we exist and one day when we are gone and visitors from other worlds visit Earth and rummage through the ruins and one of them will find a stash of porn with gummy bear orgies, pony sex, tentacles, and yiffing. He will then look to the stars and ask the very question we've have been asking ourselves for years...

I wanted to try something different. It was a bit of pain actually considering the places I had to go to get my info :( . So I got a few more reviews coming up if you have any questions or comments please feel free to share them and I will see you all on the next A Reeler Movie Reviewer!!!