Monday, August 25, 2014

Top 10 Worst Anime Experiences

     Hello everyone and welcome back. For today's article I wanted to do a Top Ten list. The subject for this one is "Worst Anime Experiences" if it already wasn't obvious from the title. These choices and their rankings are based on my personal opinion and are not official by any means so keep that in mind as we head down the list. So without further ado lets get started shall we?

10. Pupa 
    This a prime example of everything that can(and did) go wrong with an anime adaption. Its twelve episodes each one being only 4 minutes in length. Whose bright idea was it to do that?!? I don't understand with each episode being so short the audience doesn't have time to get a grasp as to what the hell is going on and that's another issue its all over the place you wont have the vaguest idea what is happening or who the characters are. What worse its a horror anime with almost all of its violence being censored in the shoddiest way possible. Skip this one and avoid at all cost. I had hear that this is based of a manga so maybe one could get a better grasp of the plot through that than this sad excuse of an adaptation.

9. SD Gundam Force
    Urgh my stomach...I really don't want to talk about this bastardization again. Even as a stand alone this was awful to sit through.
     I'm going to let my review speak for me while I take some TUMS. :X

8. Shining Tears X Wind 
    So boring! When I began watching this anime I was in the mood for a high fantasy story and at first I was thinking that maybe this would have a bit of potential...since this is on the list it should be obvious how wrong I was. This is such a lame show and every minute felt like someone was trying to euthanize me and that opening theme...DEAR BUTTERY JESUS ON AN ARMORED MOOSE THAT FUCKING THEME SONG! Its one of those preppy and obnoxious J-Pop songs that gets stuck in your brain and not in the good way either. If you folks want a fantasy anime go watch Record of Lodoss War or Slayers f you are looking for a comedy.(>ะด<)

7. Yugioh 
    Oh yes the nostalgia is flooding back now. I was caught in the popularity of this franchise buying cards and you guessed it watching the anime and guess what channel it was showing on. If you guess 4kids then ding ding ding you are a winner! This version was both painful and hilarious to watch from the infamous finger guns to the cheesy lines about the power of friendship and the heart of the cards right down to how much 4kids toned down what was(according to my buddy; Technology Caveman) a rather dark series. In addition I found hard to take a series where the fate of the world rested on a damn card game when most of the situations could be solved with a couple of bullets or a baseball bat to the head.

6. Mars of Destruction 
    At this point taking pot shots at this anime is basically beating a dead horse so I will be brief with this one. This OVA is rubbish pure and simple. The animation is low grade, the characters are flat and uninteresting, and its badly paced. It script is awful with moments of unintentional comedy for example during a skirmish with the antagonists, one nameless red shirt gets her head blown off clean and later on with see her body on the operating table and are taking her vitals and then declare her dead despite you know having nothing attached her shoulders or spine. It also has a cheap soundtrack using only classical music which makes most of the fight scenes feel rather silly. Thank God there was only one episode...

5. Master of Martial Hearts

    This came down to a coin flip between this and number 4 because both of these anime sucks so hard that it became difficult to choose between them. Master of Martial Hearts is one of the most pathetic attempts at fanservice that I have ever had the displeasure of sitting through. Its animation is rather poor giving all of its characters an overly shiny look and it kind of makes them look like they were made out of plastic or some shit and they might as well be considering just about every one of them is bland as any poorly written character can be. The action scenes are not badly done but its one of those strip brawls in which every well placed blow obliterates a piece of clothing. The opening theme is an assault on the sense making My Heaven from the first Silent Hill game sounds like a heavenly choir and that piece of music was intentional made to sound like complete chaos! The main reason this OVA made on to this list was its ending. After four episodes of women battle stripping the show drops a bomb on the heads of its audience with a very disturbing plot twist along with a message. Yeah a sleazy fanservice show wants to teach us something and the reasons behind it and the "Big Reveal" are so jaw droppingly retarded and mean spirited that it falls flat. With these things taken accounted for I feel that this show should have scored higher but number 4 and I have some history.

4. School Days 
    Oh yes this fucking anime now this was a awful ride. 11 episodes of horrible characters and a whole lot of back stabbing\and cheating right up to the mother of all WTF endings. It was an endurance test to get to the end and right after I had finished I swore to myself that I would never watch this again.

3. Eiken 
    Oh Goddess the mind is forever stained with the black corruption that oozes from this...this thing. Its fanservice of the worst kind trying to appeal to it target audience to get an arousal but is just so grotesque and unsexy that it makes the stomach of its audience choose seppuku instead of having to watch another second of this travesty. If you want a few extra details then you should be able to find my review on it here.

2. DearS 
    This anime pissed me off to no end. Was this supposed be cute and endearing but it sure as hell didn't seem that way from what I saw. Chobits this show is not! It tells the sad little tale of a young man named Ikuhara Takeya who meets a beautiful and mysterious young women wearing a collar who tells him that she is his slave...still with me? The concept alone just screams unfortunate implications here hell even the opening theme doesn't help any either. Its was just so uncomfortable to watch and looking back I don't know what kind of evil force possessed me to do so in the first place. Being both sexists and sugar coating slavery I am not surprised that it ended up being my runner up. Fuck this show.

1. Demon Lord Dante
    Blood filled insanity. This was one of the most ridiculous and brainless anime I have ever had the displeasure of sitting through. I mentioned this freak of nature on my 'Top Ten Dumbest Things I Have Ever Seen' list way back some time ago and really I'm not surprised this made it to the top. The story is silly as all hell(no pun intended), the animation cheap, the voice acting laughable, and its characters underdeveloped and rather unlikable as well. 13 episodes of bull shit made this anime painful to sit through and I can recommend this to anyone. After scoring so high on two list here I think its going to need a full review to cover all the things wrong with it.

     Thanks for reading and stay tuned for future Top Ten list, reviews, and articles as well as all new episodes of the Dark Discussions Podcast. Until next time everyone!!!!

Friday, August 15, 2014

Scarecrows 1988

     I always thought that scarecrows were pretty freaky at times(depending on who makes them) and I'm not the only one who feels that way either as there have been no shortage of killer straw people running around and hacking folks to bits. The film we are talking about today is one that I had chosen for a poll on the Dark Discussions Facebook page and while it didn't win I still feel that it deserves a review because its a nice underrated horror gem and I feel that it needs a bit more love.
     The plot is very straight forward: A group of mercenaries steal 3 million dollars and take a pilot and his daughter hostage and make their way south. Things are going smoothly till one of them decides he has other plans and jumps out of the plane with the money. The others pursue him and the chase takes them to an abandoned farm house where some spooky shit goes down when the scarecrows watching over the place come to life and start hunting down the cast. So its story is nothing special hey sometimes less is more right although I kind of wished they had given us a bit of back story on the house and its inhabitant but that could have been intentional on the director's part and left it to the interpretation of the audience.
     The highlights of this flick are the titular scarecrows(who look pretty unsettling) and the good old 1980s gore. A good example of the latter is when one character gets stuffed with dozens of dollar bills by the killer husks and attacks his buddies as a sort of zombie-thing. I also liked its atmosphere which really sets the mood of the film and is a bit subtle at the same time which I can appreciate.
     The cast is rather average however with neither the characters or the performances really standing out but at the same time are not terrible but you wont remember them by the end of the film. It also kind of short with a running time of an hour and twenty-eight minutes but since its story is so basic that I'm glad its didn't drag on and it paces itself pretty well.
     While I did call it a gem its not a very bright and shining one but still fun. It has gained a bit a small cult following and I think its a pretty good little movie overall. and I recommend you give it a shot.

   Well that the end of that review sorry its so short but when I look back I'm sort of glad that it didn't win the poll as there isn't a whole lot to talk about here so I think I'll be sticking to reviewing topics with a bit more meat on the bones. Still check out Scarecrows folks you can most likely find a cheap DVD of it in a store or on Amazon and heck I saw it on YouTube as well. Until next time everyone.

Dark Discussions Podcast: Escape From Tomorrow

     In this two part episode; Philip and I are joined by author Kristi Petersen Schoonover as we take a look at the 2013 guerrilla film from director Randy Moore where a man's trip to Disney turns into one hell of a nasty mind screw.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Dark Discussions Podcast: The Wolf Creek Films

    In this episode the gang and I take a look at the Wolf Creek films from director Greg McLean who was also the director of Rogue.

Link to episode

     Enjoy and please stay tuned for future episodes as well as new reviews and articles. Until next time everyone!